


Make Me a Matchmaker

by SumDumMuffin



Category: Devil's Candy
Genre: Gothic Horror Setting, High School, M/M, Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:46:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4501320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumDumMuffin/pseuds/SumDumMuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kazu Decker has a crush on his friend Nemo, and needs to Frankenstein an artificial lifeform to help him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make Me a Matchmaker

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Devil's Candy. Rem and Bikkuri do. Support the comic; it's the best, and Kazu is the ULTIMATE CUTIEPANTS arglebargle--
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of romance, devils, or noir detective lingo. Do have expertise in freaking out about crushes though.
> 
> Not sure if it counts as graphic when one of the characters is missing half his skin. I'm a big fan of Tim Burton, though, so I personally like the concept.

A well-dressed imp with a white spiral in his hair and what appeared to be an incredibly bored reanimated humanoid corpse in a nurse's outfit sat in an old Victorian mansion in hell. The imp had a selection of photographs of various monsters.

“Okay, 'Hitomi'.” said the imp.

The corpse pointed at the picture of a cyclops girl with red hair.

“Awesome!” squeaked the imp. “Now, and I'll be super sad if you don't get this one right,” he pouted, “'Kazu'.”

The corpse pointed straight out, to the imp.

“That's right!” Kazu squeaked, and clapped his hands repeatedly. “Now, here's one you should know. 'Pandora.'"

The corpse pointed to herself.

“Yes! Haha, this is _such_ a success. One day I hope you'll be able to say things you didn't just hear on TV.”

Pandora posed dramatically. “ _PITIFUL SHADOWS LOST IN-”_

“Tha~at's enough of that,” Kazu waved at Pandora's face and outstretched arms. “Well, can you say 'Pandora?'”

Pandora opened and closed her mouth, teeth bared, like she was trying to maul an invisible slab of meat.

“All in due time,” Kazu said, waving the air as if he was literally brushing aside the lack of success. He leaned back in his chair and his smile deflated a couple atmospheres. He stared at his hands and nodded a couple times, finding the words.

Pandora didn't seem to mind the wait, and on the third try Kazu managed to speak. "So there's a reason I made you,”

"Well, there's a lot of reasons," Kazu wiped a sweatdrop off his cheek, "I meant what I said about wanting to show you how beautiful this world can be. But another reason was because if this all goes south I'll have a new best friend."

Pandora didn't react. Kazu smiled at her before looking back at the ground. 

"And of course it was an excuse to get to work long nights with Nemo," Kazu blushed and a dopey smile spread across his face. Pandora continued to not react.

"BUT ANYWAY." Kazu pulled out a black envelope. It had elaborate bloodstain designs on the edges. With actual blood. Rather expensive. Super romantic. Pandora smelled it. Kazu had to stop her from trying to bite it.

"I've chickened out a bajillion times trying to give this to him. So I need you to do it.”

Pandora glanced back at the pictures. She pointed to the one of the scrawny green-haired boy with half his skin missing.

Kazu giggled. "Yeah, that's Nemo. You've been to his house before.”

Pandora stared at the letter, sniffing it again.

“It's, uh, you know.” Kazu pursed his lips and blushed at the ground. “A love letter.”

Pandora literally didn't move a muscle.

“Love is, like, when you like someone, but more so. Or in a different way, at least.”

Pandora pointed to a picture of her and Kazu, after they'd stopped one of Hemlock Heart Academy's clubs gone full evil.

"Oh, well,” Kazu smiled warmly, “I think I'd say I love you too, but not in the same way. I mean, 'love' is something you feel towards family too."

Pandora tilted her head. Or so Kazu thought; it might have just been the angle he was looking at her.

Kazu blushed and poked his fingers together. “Uhhh, lets put it this way. When you like someone, you enjoy their company and want to spend time with them. And when you love someone, like romantically, its the same thing, except you also want to smooch them. I think."

Pandora stared back. As he explained, Kazu idly put his left hand out in a loose fist, wiggling his thumb as a lower jaw. He did the same with his right hand, and pressed the pantomimed mouths together.

“Smooching is when you put your lips together. And, uh, I guess you suckle the other person's face.” Kazu rubbed his chin. “There may be brain extraction involved, because a lot of people I've seen who've smooched seem kind of out of it afterwards. I'll have to do more research on this, it's not something that's come up much in _Devilizer_. And it's definitely going to take more lessons to teach you what love is."

Pandora dropped the letter on the table and emulated the smooching motion with her hands.

“Yeah! Something like that! Probably.”  Kazu waved the air again. "But it doesn't matter. Nemo know's what smooching is, and he'll know what the love letter means. I hope. Just give it to him and come back here. Please?"

Pandora stood up and clutched the letter in her hand and exited the house. 

Kazu bit his lower lip and kicked his feet and giggled. "It's finally happening~!"

 

//------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Pandora walked through the streets of the hellcity without waver, skip, or swagger. 

A demonferry rode past. There was a swoosh and a splash and Pandora was covered in something like water. She looked at her hand, now empty. She looked at the streets.

Kazu's letter was fluttering through the streets.

Pandora snarled and ran after it.

  
//---------------------------------------

 

Eventually, Pandora stared at the door to a dingy house in a gloomy part of the neighborhood. It said _Musterman, P.I._  She opened the door and walked inside. 

The room was dark, with a ray of hellshine illuminated a sliver of a figure in a trenchcoat and wide-brimmed hat, leaned back in a chair behind a messy desk. Pandora bared her teeth at the man.

“Ah, it's midafternoon and I've got two shots left, and I'm not talking about my revolver. A dame gives me the buzz. She's young; two high school crushes away from adulthood. Only one reason a kid like that calls on a Private Eye; she's missing someone, and though I don't mind doing pro bono work and I definitely won't refuse a lost child, I hope this person can pay a finder's fee, 'cause I'm a few greenbacks short of a full deck at the moment."

The figure got up and tried to light a cigarette while he sauntered around his desk.

"So, missy, who do you need to find?" 

Pandora lifted her left hand and showed the name on the letter in her hand. 

The man scrunched his mouth and looked to the side. He coughed into his hand, attempting to hide a creeping blush. “Well, I wasn't wrong, technically." He leaned into the hallway. "NEMO! SOMEONE'S HERE TO SEE YOU.”

There was commotion from the ceiling, and a boy walked down the stairs. Green hair, and missing skin on the right half of his body. He had a bored expression on his face and his hands were behind his head, fingers knitted. 

"Oh, hey Killer," he said idly, "Or not, that's not your name, isn't it?"

Pandora blinked once.

"So what brings you here?" said Nemo, eventually.

Pandora held the letter in front of Nemo's face. Nemo didn't flinch.

Nemo opened the letter and looked inside. His mouth pursed. "Is Kazu home right now?" he said.

 

//----------------------------------------------

 

"Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh," screamed Kazu (daintily though; he was still a refined denizen of hell, after all) into one of his quilted pillows. "Why did I do that?" 

He hugged the pillow to his chest and rolled around on the floor. "He's going to be weirded out and he'll never want to see me again because it'll be too awkward and aahhhhhhh-"

He sat up and rested his chin on the pillow. "OR." he said calmly, "Or he'll say yes, and he'll ask me out, and and CRAP I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GO ON DATES THIS WAS SO POORLY THOUGHT OUT-"

Kazu resumed hyperventilating. He pressed the pillow to the lower half of his face.

"I need more time," he said. He stood up and started pulling on his overcoat on the way down the stairs.

Kazu almost bumped into Pandora when he opened the door to his mansion.

"Ah, Pandora, I hope you didn't-"

“Hey, Kazu," said Nemo from behind Pandora, cool as ever. 

“H-hey Nemo.” Kazu couldn't keep his composure; Nemo had the letter in his hand. He _knew,_ and he knew that Kazu knew, and now they had to get all awkward about this and-

Nemo rubbed the back of his head. “So about this letter..."

“Just- just whatever you have to say, say it quickly,” Kazu covered his face with his hands.

Nemo looked confused. He flapped the envelope a couple of times. 

“It was empty. Maybe Pandora lost the contents?"

“Ahhh-, “ Kazu started saying. He looked again, and the letter was a slightly different color, and the blood embossment was much less professionally done. He clamped his mouth shut with his hand. “Excuse me for a moment.”

Kazu grabbed Pandora's shoulders and led her into the next room. His smile lasted just as long as it took to close the door.

“What happened to the letter?” Kazu looked equal parts relieved and upset.

Pandora stared blankly at Kazu.

“You lost it? And tried to replace it? But it wasn't the letter itself it was what was _on_ the letter-"

He slapped his palm against his face. “And that'd get into the whole love letter thing again. Shoot, there's no time for that."

Kazu leaned to the side, glancing at Nemo through the window. Nemo seemed unperturbed; idly examining the Gothic decorations in the house. He sighed with audible heartthrob and bit his lower lip.

"So what am I going to do now?" Kazu said.

Pandora opened the door and threw Kazu into it. Kazu squeaked and flailed. Pandora closed the door and locked it.

“Hey, you alright, Kazu?”

Kazu looked up. Nemo had him in a protective hug, having caught Kazu when he fell into the room. Kazu was acutely aware that Nemo's hands were resting on his shoulder and the small of his back, and that Nemo's mouth was an inch from Kazu's forehead.

"Yeah, just- Pandora's acting weird is all," Kazu mumbled.  

Nemo looked angry. “She shouldn't be treating you this way. What's her deal?"

“Ahahaha, I'm sure she's got my best interests at heart.”

“Really? I mean, I'd treat you a lot better than that.

Kazu eeped and tried to contain his blush.

“So," said Nemo, "What was that whole letter about?"

“Oh, that?” Kazu rubbed the back of his head.

Pandora appeared in a window on the far side of the room. She stared blankly at Kazu and made the smooching motion with her hands.

“I, uhh,” Kazu began. 

Pandora slammed her hands together more furiously, audibly, prompting Nemo to glance backward. Pandora hid as he did, but reappeared once he turned back and resumed the smooching hand motion.

“What I wanted to say was... uh-”

Nemo grinned and nodded encouragingly. Visible in the window, Pandora's face devolved into a snarl of unbridled rage as her hands blurred into a smashing moment too fast to see.

Kazu grabbed Nemos shoulders and bowed his head and shut his eyes. “I just got Devilizer season 3 on DVD!” he blurted. It wasn't a lie.

Pandora's face relaxed into its usual stare. It was identical to any other person's non-believing stare.

Nemo relaxed a bit as well. “Oh that's it? Well, yeah, I'd love to watch it with ya,” said Nemo. He patted Kazu's back and took a seat on the couch. “Aw man, I totally could have bought some popcorn if I'd known when I left the house. Shame Pandora lost the letter, yeah?"

“Y-yeah,” said Kazu. He breathed a sigh of relief and skipped upstairs to get his DVD.

From outside the window, Pandora put her hand in front of her face, palm towards her. She pushed her hand against her face.

 


End file.
